


Worth It

by Keyschick92



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-10
Updated: 2012-06-11
Packaged: 2017-11-07 10:26:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/430023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keyschick92/pseuds/Keyschick92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been four weeks!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Absence

Looking out the window from 32,000 feet kept him calm. The butterflies that had inhabited his stomach when he left Helsinki were finally quieting and the thoughts clamoring to be heard had muted. It had been four weeks since he had seen Adam anywhere besides a Skype session on his computer and he tensed at the thought that all of the built up familiarity from a year of hanging out at home, learning one another's moods and needs would be wiped away by the time lapse. 

Adam had encouraged him to go when the opportunities for a little self-promotion at home, not to mention seeing family, friends, and Katri had presented themselves, but his stomach lurched a little remembering how excited he was to go. Did Adam see that as wanting to escape HIM? Of course not, right? It was just that his love was so busy with album promotion, the house was so quiet without him, and he missed his sisters even more since they had visited him in LA. Surely, it was fine..... THEY were fine. 

There would be a car waiting to take him to the hotel, Adam had texted in between interviews at the Sony office in London. He would have come himself but things were so crazy and, of course, running late. Sauli understood. He had seen the demands made on Adam, the need he felt to accommodate those people who could make or break his still developing career. It wasn't a problem.

Sauli exited the plane and headed for baggage claim. At least there was no lengthy customs to endure now that Europe was, for all intents and purposes, one big unit. No texts, but that was to be expected. He smiled to himself thinking of Adam's pout when he hadn't received any texts for 6 hours when Sauli was tied up with the fashion show. They had spoiled one another over that beautiful year when even though Adam was writing and recording, his time was his own and seldom did an hour go by when his blonde lover did not receive an update or just a silly endearment. Things would be a little different now, he had been warned by Adam, Dana, Danielle, and anyone else who could find a way to casually remind him that dating a rock star was not all sunshine and roses.

Still, they had managed to hang on to one another, finding time to laugh, to whisper, to share their days when they were apart. And it was just the beginning. No decisions had been made about the promo tour or eventually the performance tour. Would he travel with Adam? Would he sit in a hotel room, sneaking any time he could from the busy schedule. They would have to talk, sort it out, see what they both thought was best.  
That's what they did. Before their little blow-up at Christmas it had been Adam making most of the decisions, and Sauli had been fine with that.... usually, but back on his own turf he had realized it was his right to speak up, too. His right to dictate some of the ground rules. That had been sorted out quickly before any permanent damage was done, and with a few minor blips, their life had been a fabulous one for the last 14 months. 

Round and round, he watched the luggage carousel, but no sign of his suitcases. They were royal blue, hard to miss. One by one others from his flight grabbed their belongings and moved away, but he still didn't see his.  
Just as his brow furrowed, he felt a hand on his shoulder and soft breath in his ear. "Did you lose something?"

"Adam! You came! How did you get away? Why didn't you text me? I can't find my luggage.... "

"I have your luggage, my love. I told them I had something important to do and they would have to be patient for an hour or so. Management was not happy, but I have not denied them any requests, so they saw by the look on my face that I it was time for a little payback. And here I am."

"Do they know it was only me who was taking you away?"

"There will never be "only" you. All of this work, all of the hours, they are to make a life for us. This is my dream, yes, but you are part of my dream, too, so that may be "only" work, but never "only" you. Do you have any idea how much I have missed you? It just isn't the same curling up with a phone or an IPad instead of with a warm, hot actually, body." Adam grinned. "I love you so much. Did I remember to tell you that this morning when we talked?"

"No. You said you were in a meeting." A fake pout adorned the normally happy face. "You hurt my feelings."

"You are such a drama queen!"

"Oh, talk about the black pot..... How does that go?"

"You mean the pot calling the kettle black?"

"Yes, that is it. Dani uses that saying all the time, but it still seems like a foolish one to me."

"Of course it does because it has nothing to do with me."

"Of course it doesn't. Now, will you kiss me or do I have to wait till we get in the car?"

"Well, we should probably wait, but I don't see any suspicious looking characters with cameras lurking about, so.."

Adam pulled his smaller lover into his chest, lifted the chiseled chin, and kissed the plump lips softly. "I have missed you so fucking much," he whispered. "It's like a part of me is absent when you aren't with me."

"Oh, Adam," teary eyes looked up into darker blue ones. "I feared you would learn to get along without me."

"Never."

"You still love me?"

"Doofus! No, I just need someone to help me pick out jewelry or set the alarm at night! How could you even ask that?"

Sauli laughed. "I need you to say it. I watch those videos. I see those people falling all over themselves to talk to you then tweeting how wonderful you are. I worry that maybe I don't tell you often enough how wonderful you are."

"No, you don't. You know I need to hear it hourly whether I deserve it or not. Did you not read the rock star handbook I gave you? It's number 3 on the list."

"Jerk." 

"Owww! You poked me. See, you have to learn to be nicer to me."

"Oh, don't worry, I plan to be very nice to you."

Adam blushed. "Really? You have wicked plans for me? I still have a few more hours of interviews, but I'll take you with me if you want."

"No, let the driver drop you so you can get done with what is planned then the car can leave me at the hotel. I will wait there. Should I get some food or are we going out later? How long will you be? I can get myself something if you will be late."

"Decisions, decisions. I have 2 more people to talk to, 40 minutes or so each. I won't permit anyone else to grab me after that, I promise. Can you wait 2 more hours or should I have the driver stop on the way to the hotel?"

"I'll wait. Sharing meals with you is one of my favorite things. And we will eat real food tonight, how about that?  
Maybe a steak or a hamburger?"

"Are you trying to make me fat?"

"Yes, so no one will want you and you will have to stay with me forever."

"Oh,baby, I think you are stuck with me. I've spent 4 weeks looking for a new boyfriend and have come up empty handed. Not one of them would put up with my diva ways."

Sauli pulled Adam closer. "I have a weapon and know how to use it, so all those boy you have been looking at better watch themselves."

"You have a few weapons, my love, but that discussion is best left for a little later. Let's get going. The sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can take you to dinner then back to the room where I plan to ravish you."

"Is that a good or a bad thing, ravish?"

"It is a good thing, I hope. A very good thing. Oh, and since I forgot to tell you earlier, I love you. I love you with every fiber of my being. Okay?"

"Okay."

 

"Where did you get all this?" Adam asked as he looked around the suite at the flowers, candles, and fruit tray.

"Here and there. I walked around the area a bit, bought a few things, then came back and ordered the fruit.  
I was told it couldn't be ready for a while, but when they asked where it was to be sent and I gave the suite number, it was suddenly a priority. Is this how it is going to be from now on?"

"I don't know, is it a bad thing?"

"No, just curious. I don't want you getting full of yourself."

"Well, there are plenty of people back home you can call if that happens. Dani would love knocking me down a peg and my dad is looking for an excuse to box my ears. We won't even talk about my mom and my brother.  
They'd love a reason to fly over, at my expense of course, and help you teach me a lesson."

Sauli slipped his arms around Adam's waist and hugged him tightly. "I need you all to myself tonight. Can we just order something up a little later? Maybe we can have fruit to hold us over."

"And in the meantime?"

A shiver ran through Adam at the look on Sauli's face. "You want me, Baby?"

"More than anything," was the accented reply. "I feel like my life has been on hold till I got back in your arms. Is that a bad thing?"

"No. It's a wonderful thing. C'mon, two pieces of watermelon and we hit the shower, what do you say?"

"How about one piece and I'll bring the tray into the bedroom."

Adam laughed as he swatted the muscular behind. "Deal."

 

Once in the shower, Adam held Sauli as the hot water poured over them. He used the luscious shampoo management had sent in his elaborate hotel gift basket to wash the blonde hair, the body gel to clean and massage every crevice of the muscular, tattooed body. It was a quirk of his getting turned on by them smelling of the same products. Sauli made fun of him for it, but when they were home and planning a romantic evening, Sauli indulged Adam's harmless kink by soaking in the tub covered with the bubble bath that Adam so adored. Sauli could count on his fingers how many baths he had taken since he turned 10 years old, but once he moved in with Adam, they often soaked in the huge tub and talked about their day, their plans for the week, their plans for a future together. All the great memories flowed over him as they stood clutching one another, needing to feel the closeness again. Turning the water off, Adam grabbed a towel and ran it across the tattooed chest, then walked around to do the same in back. His eyes didn't want to leave the beautiful body that he knew was his for the asking, so he turned them both around to face the mirror, loving how different they were but how perfect they looked side by side. There was never going to be a satisfactory explanation of how they found one another. Continents had separated them, yet in 3 hours they had seen one another, made a connection, and began what was a life changing journey for each of them. Adam had always talked about fate, but never did he believe it as much as he had since that night in Helsinki. What other explanation was there? None.

When they sauntered into the bedroom arm in arm, Adam reached for a piece of fruit, popping it into his lover's mouth, then took one for himself. They sat on the bed for a minute smiling at one another, both relishing the fact that they would have a few weeks, busy weeks, but weeks together in London. Yes, Adam had to work, but they would figure it out, finding time for walking, eating, sightseeing. It was going to be their lives for the next 2 years, so now was as good a time as any to start working out the kinks. 

"Will you lie down and let me look at you?"

Sauli blushed but nodded. When he was arranged on the bed, his head on the pillows, looking up into dark blue eyes, all concern about their separation evaporated. He saw the love, the expectation, the want in those eyes.  
The hand that traced his cheek, his chest, down his body till they reached the strong thighs, was a lover's hand, a hand that wanted to remember everything he had missed. The arm he pulled closer eventually settled behind his neck as those beautiful freckled lips moved toward his. The sigh that escaped him said it all for Adam. They were together again and now, all was right in their world.

"Be right back, " Adam whispered as he paused then got out of bed. Sauli watched him walk naked and tall into the living room, returning a minute later with candles, which he gingerly set on the dresser before going back for more. When the light was turned off, everything glowed just the way Adam liked it. There was never an absence of atmosphere and romance in their lives. All the dreams the chubby redheaded boy had as an awkward teen, he now could fulfill, and the most important one then and now was to have a beautiful lover and let him know he was cherished and appreciated. If he had anything to say about it, the honeymoon would never be over. That was how he saw what he had with the gorgeous Finnish boy he had talked into giving up his previous life and joining him to chase his other dream, music, success, a home of his own, and a happily every after.

"Now everything is perfect. Now I can make love to you the way you deserve. Okay?"

"Okay."


	2. Making Up For Lost Time

Last minute rehearsals went adequately, not much fun without Tommy, Isaac, Ashley, and Brian, but Adam knew the realities of record label bank accounts, so he acquiesced to their request that he use local musicians for his 2 brief appearances. At Royal Albert Hall it made little or no difference, the performance was going to be a bit reserved anyway. At G.A.Y. the bare chested drummer and head banging guitar player would have added some flair, but it was what it was. 

Sauli pulled out his cell phone and called Tommy from behind the curtain. "He misses you, Pretty Kitty." 

Tommy laughed. "We miss being there, too. Can't argue with the bankers, though. How's he doing?"

"Good. He'll bitch later, but right now he's being Mr. Sunshine so no one gets their feelings hurt. He's trying to get signals straight with the drummer so he doesn't lag behind again tonight. Guitar player's okay, seasoned session guy, but not exactly Mr. Personality."

"Well, neither am I."

"Ha, but your pink hair makes up for it. You know the fans love you, so don't be modest."

"I'm glad things are okay, but I'm also a little pleased to be missed. Speaking of that, when did you get to London?"

"Yesterday afternoon."

"Time to do some catching up?" Tommy snickered.

"Who are you - TMZ"

"No, but I had to listen to him whining that he missed you and was horny."

"He did NOT!"

"Yeah, dude, he did. Dani and I were sick of hearing it after the first week. His ass was busy from morning to night.... let me rephrase that, they had him on interviews day and night, but he still found time to bitch and moan that he couldn't concentrate when you weren't there. Dependent MFer when he's cranky."

"I can't believe he admitted it to you."

"Well, as much as the crays want to believe it was during pillow talk, haha, it was long distance because I'm the only one who commiserates when he gets in one of those 'poor me, nobody cares about me' states. On tour I'd feel bad for him because he really didn't have anyone, now he has you but still likes the attention. Sometimes he's such a little girl! Oh, and don't tell him I said that or he'll fire me."

"Yeah! Like that's gonna happen. Then who would baby him? Not me!"

The men laughed until Sauli saw Adam approaching. "Who's on the phone?"

"No one."

"Tell me. You look guilty as hell. Who's on the phone."

"Your boyfriend."

Adam grabbed the phone. "Tommy Joe! Are you checking up on me? I wish to hell you guys were here. Oh, and fucking magenta hair? What's with the fashion choices?"

"Fuck off, Lambert. Let me say goodbye to your other boyfriend. I'm glad he made it to London so you can stop your friggin' moaning.  
Why he puts up with your ass I'll never know."

"Here, TJ wants to say goodbye. Then we can grab some lunch before we head back."

"Talk to you later, Tommy. Not sure when I'm coming back to LA, but if rock star is still roaming around the globe, we'll go out to lunch and see what kind of trouble we can get into."

"Deal. See ya."

 

Adam pulled Sauli in by the front of his shirt and slid them behind a curtain as he bent to kiss him firmly on the lips. "Yum, you taste great. What were you and TJ talking about?"

"You."

"What about me?"

"That just maybe you're a whiny little girl when you don't get laid on a regular basis."

"Shiiit! Did he tell you that? If he did, he's lying, just trying to make you feel good. I barely knew you were gone."

"Hmmm, really? Then why this?" Sauli reached down and cupped Adam through his jeans. "Not glad to have me at your beck and call?"

"Do you know, when I saw you at the airport yesterday, biting your lip, looking for your luggage, it took every bit of control I had not to throw you against the nearest wall and fuck you till I got my fill?"

"And why didn't you?"

"I, my dear, am a gentleman. God forbid you get the wrong idea and think I only love you for your awesomely hot body. I also love you for your mind........" 

"Well, if you were a good boyfriend you'd know what was on my mind and take me back to the hotel and make up for lost time."

"Lunch first?"

"We better. Seems like last night we never made it past the fruit tray and this morning's crumpets and tea are long gone. How about some fish and chips?"

"No, too greasy. How about some sushi?"

"Oh, that's a surprise choice."

"And when are you going back to Finland, smart ass?" Adam yanked the blonde hair till it's owner moved in for another kiss.

"Depends on what happens in the next few hours." 

"Well, then, I guess I have a pre-performance performance. Adam On Demand. I need my own channel. Let's go. There's a place right around the corner then we can just take a cab to the hotel. And have I told you that I love you and am really, really glad you're here?"

"Not for a couple of hours, so keep that thought."

 

The door had barely slammed behind them when Sauli found his head banging against the wall inside. Adam kissed him hard and thoroughly as one of his hands undid the button on his jeans. "Let' go take a shower."

"No! We had two showers last night and one this morning. Just get us onto the bed."

"But I'm sweaty."

"Tough, I'm not. So, I guess I won't lick your armpits." 

Adam laughed. "You are such a perv. Since when do you lick my armpits."

"I've been thinking about it."

"Really?"

"Now who's the perv? Remind me next time you shower and maybe I'll try it. Maybe I'll shave them, too."

"No friggin' way! It hurts like a sonofabitch when they're growing back."

"You are such a pussy! Come on, pussy, time to put out."

"Such a romantic!"

Adam kissed him again then held his hand as they headed for the bedroom. As clothes were discarded, Adam touched the lovely face, the colorful tattoos, then ran his finger down the crease from hip to thigh, eliciting a few quiet words he didn't understand.

"English, baby. You're home with me now and I don't want to miss a thing."

"What you do to me, Adam. When I'm away, this is what I think about, the touching, the look you give me that makes me think I can't breathe."

"And how about this?" Adam stares into the clear blue eyes as he runs his finger down to the cock that has risen up to meet it. "Do you think about this, too? Do you think about how I love to hold you in my hand, in my mouth? Do you think about how much I love to hold your balls in my hand, to move them gently, to suck on them until you make me stop?"

"Oh, God."

"No, just ME, baby. Just me. Come on, lie down, let me convince you that this is where you belong. You belong with me, my love, you belong right here where I can lay a hand on you any time and anywhere I want. Right?"

A muffled sigh then, "Right. Now, here, please put me in your mouth. I want you to lick me and suck me. Then I want you inside me. Can I have that from you? Now?"

"Anything." And Adam continued the soft strokes on the firm thighs as he sucked the leaking cock into his mouth. When Sauli started to move away and make beautiful sounds, Adam reached under the pillow and pulled out the lube, using it to get Sauli ready for him.  
He never stopped kissing and stroking and licking, sliding his willing partner onto his erection, then pulling him up so they were chest to chest, face to face. "You are so beautiful. I get hard just looking at you, but knowing that you're mind - I can't even tell you what that does to me."

They moved in sync as only familiar lovers can, then Sauli arched his back not falling only because Adam was expecting it and was holding him. "Now, my love?"

"Soon," Sauli gasped then came between them. Adam cooed in his ear until the panting stopped and the blonde head rested on his shoulder. His movements speeded up and Sauli clung to him whispering Finnish words in his ear until Adam also finished, pulsing into Sauli till there was nothing left. 

In a few minutes, Adam winced. "Have to move baby. My thighs are seizing up and if I don't move, I'll be doing the show tonight from a wheelchair."

He eased the smaller body onto the pillows then fell face first next to him. "You are amazing."

"I love you, too. Now sleep a little. I'll wake you in plenty of time to get to the club."


	3. Talk It Thru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you have to take your opportunity to talk when you can.

The room was full and it was loud, but it was also a good place to watch and listen. Sauli smiled at the group around Adam as he held court, they all wanted just a little piece of him. But that was okay, he enjoyed it and his eyes would find Sauli's every few minutes to silently beckon him over or to confirm that his Finnish boyfriend was content where he was. He was, and when he suddenly wasn't, he knew it would be okay with Adam to say his goodbyes and head back to the hotel. The performance at G A Y had been dynamic, the audience excited, and Adam feeling the freedom to be himself in front of kindred spirits was wonderful. Now they were at a club where other celebrities had congregated after some festival event. Katy Perry had remembered Sauli and gave both boys a big hug before they all talked about London and the chilling rain that had been falling. A few introductions and conversations later, Sauli had excused himself and searched out a little solitude. Success was in the form of this tiny table inhabited by like-minded peace seekers. 

Sauli grabbed a cocktail napkin and wrote on it. "Excuse me, sir. It's Darren, right?" He called to a passing waiter. "Can you take this note over to Adam Lambert? That's him right there with the leopard shirt on."

"I know who he is, sir, but I'm afraid I can't take him the note. We try to protect the privacy of our guests."

"But I know him."

"Of course, you do," Darren responded with a raised eyebrow and a voice dripping with sarcasm. "Now, may I get you another drink?"

"Ummm, no, I'm ..... "

"Hey, Baby. What's wrong? Did I leave you alone too long? I'm so sorry." Adam planted a soft kiss on the upturned lips. "Do you want another drink or are you ready to go? And, Darren, is there something I can do for you?" He asked as Darren stood there looking contrite. "Something going on I should know about, baby?"

"No, love, Darren was just trying to protect your privacy. I wanted him to give this to you, " Sauli handed Adam the note, "But I think he assumed I was trying to pick you up."

"I'm so sorry, sir."

"It's okay, Darren," Adam laughed. "I appreciate the thought even though when someone this hot wants to pick me up, I'm not sure I want him to be cock blocked."

"Adam!" Sauli punched his arm. "Leave the poor man alone. He was just trying to do his job."

Darren's look of gratitude was not lost on either of them. Adam pulled out a bill and put it on Darren's drink tray. "That's for trying to protect my honor. Come on, honey,let's go. Oh, wait, let me read my love letter."

"No, not necessary!" and Sauli tried to grab it from his hand. "I was just being silly. Give it here."

"Oh, no, now I HAVE to read it." Adam opened the folded napkin and snorted. "Really? Well, then, maybe we better go right now. Goodnight Darren. Let's go, Sauli."

"Adam!"

"So I'm supposed to ignore a note that says, LET'S LEAVE I WANT TO FUCK YOU?"

"I was just trying to be funny."

"Nope, the offer is on the table...... "there's no turning back." he sang then laughed. "Time to go." Adam tucked the napkin in his pocket.

 

The cab ride was quiet both because they were a little tired and because each was thinking about the note tucked away but peeking out of the jacket. Once in the room, Sauli reached for it and flattened it out on the night stand. 

"Go take a shower."

"With you?"

"No, I wasn't jumping around on stage sweating. Just go, but hurry back. I'll be right here. Is there anything you have to get up early for? Should I put in a wake up call?"

"Nope, nothing until late afternoon, unless you want to shopping. It's 4:30am, so I'd rather just catch up on a little sleep and snuggle you."

 

Sauli pulled the candles out of the drawer, lit them, turned the lights off and some music on low then turned the bed down. When Adam came out of the shower towel drying his hair, Sauli was standing next to the bed. "Come here, Adam. Leave the towel there."

"What, baby?"

"On your knees."

"What?"

"On your knees, here, in front of me."

No need to ask twice, Adam was there before the towel hit the floor. He put his arms around the slim hips and pulled them close, his head resting on the growing erection inside the black jeans. "For me?" He asked as he reached for the zipper. 

"All for you."

He pulled the zipper down slowly, one arm still holding his love close. When he reached inside, he heard the immediate reaction and felt that his supporting arm was the only reason they were not in a pile on the floor. "Not enough room. Let me get these jeans down a little so I don't hurt you." When it was free, Adam immediately took Sauli into his mouth, nuzzling the hair at its base, licking both the cock and the crease at the top of those beautiful thighs. 

"Make me hard, Adam. Get me ready so I can fuck you."

"Sauli! You really want to fuck me?"

"I have to. It's what I need to do tonight."

Adam gave him a puzzled look, but continued to kneel and fulfill the request he had been given.

"Lie on the bed, on your stomach."

Adam did it as Sauli removed his clothes. When he tried to turn over to watch, Sauli shook his head. "No, just lie still."

"Easier said than done, love."

Sauli crawled up on the bed, spreading Adam's legs and kneeling between them. He reached up, massaging the tight muscles in the broad back and shoulders. "Feel good?"

"Feels great. But..."

"Shhhh, give me some time. I want to talk to you and I can do it best from right here."

The shoulders tensed then relaxed. "Is everything okay, Sauli? Are WE okay."

"We are wonderful, my beautiful man, but I need to talk."

"Okay. As long as we're fine, talk."

As his hands massaged, Sauli started. "I love you so much, you know that. I shouldn't admit this to you, but I can not picture a life without you any more. I loved my time in Finland, yes, Finland, not home, because 'home' is now with you. Where you are is where I belong. Not every day, not always in body, but my heart is with you every minute of every day."

Adam tried to speak.

"No, please, if you hug me or look at me, I won't be able to finish because I will bury my head in your chest and just breathe you in. Okay, let me think for a minute where to start. When I got back here I was afraid things would have changed. I don't know how, but I was so afraid you wouldn't need me any more because of all the people filling your days. But we were good. Then tonight at the show, I watched you perform your magic, making everyone want to reach up, to get a piece of you, just a touch. For a minute I was jealous, then you looked over at me and smiled so I would know that his was your job, this was your fun, this was what you loved to do, but that I was what you needed to have waiting for you when the lights went off."

Sauli ran a finger from the base of Adam's neck, through the furrow between his shoulder blades, to his waist. Then both hands were around his waist, just touching, tracing a path. When they met at the back, one finger ran lower, again tracing a path. Sauli again felt Adam hold his breath. "Breathe, my darling, just breathe. I have more to tell you." And Adam did.

" I look at those boys holding their hands out to you, I read the tweets they send saying they want you, they want you for their own. Sometimes it is frightening. Who am I? Just someone you met by chance, just like it could be one of them."

"Sauli...."

"No, it is true. But it was ME you met. It was ME you chose. It was ME, it IS ME, who now knows you best. It is me who loves you like no other and tries to let you know that. I hope you are being truthful when you say some of the songs are for me, because they are so beautiful. When you said that 'words get lost, can you read the look that's on my face,' you know I always could. Everything you are thinking races across your face, your eyes, your smile. The words were so unimportant as long as you had your arms around me and I could see how you looked at me." Sauli stopped, sniffing, trying to regain his composure.

"The first time I heard UNDERNEATH, i cried and cried when you weren't here. My life was easy, no hurt, no doubt about who I was and how much I was loved. My sisters made sure of that. When I heard 'you're gonna see things you might not want to see, still not that easy for me,' so many pieces fell into place. You the protector, you the provider, you always in control. That is how you protect yourself. But now you know you don't have to be those things all the time, not for me.  
I can be YOUR protector when you need it. I will NEVER let anyone make you feel bad or feel like less of a man, a person, not when I can help it. I remember the first time I released inside of you, and you couldn't get your breath or talk for such a long time. Now I do understand. For me, there don't ever need to be any apologies for who you are. All of it, even the bad stuff, I love because it is part of you.

No, no tears. I just needed you to know all of this before we are separated again. I need you to have it tucked in your heart where you can see it, remember it, cherish it."

Sauli massaged Adam's ass, separating it, looking at him, seeing the place he would be in a few minutes. It wasn't just sex with them, not usually, it was love, communication, human contact of the most intimate, ultimate kind. He leaned down, kissing the freckled back, then lower until he felt Adam groan under him.

"Are you done with my talking, sweetheart? Do you finally understand that no one knows you, feels you, values you the way I do?" 

Sauli reached for the lube he had by his knee and watched as it spilled onto his hand, then again separated Adam and touched him, slowly pushing in. Adam whined and lifted off the bed. 'Can I turn around to kiss you?" He asked in a choked voice.

"No. I will kiss you soon enough. I want to watch my fingers go in and out of you, getting you ready for my love. It is always a treat when I can make you feel the way you make me feel every time. It doesn't matter who is bigger or stronger, or who is on top, hehe, it is just what we are sharing. It is always a gift when you make love to me. It is never a feeling of being used or being submissive. It is a feeling of being appreciated and babied. That's how I want you to feel, that I think there is no one like you, no one who deserves everything in the universe more than you. If I do this right, that is how you will feel. "

And Sauli pushed into Adam slowly, leaning over the larger body, grasping the strong shoulders to move in farther. "Can you feel my love?"

Adam nodded, reaching around to take one of Sauli's hands to his mouth. "I can feel EVERYTHING. Can I turn over now so I can see you, too, not just feel you?"

"Of course, you can, but don't knock me off," he chuckled. 

Once Adam was on his back with Sauli buried deep inside, he kissed him and looked into the clear blue eyes staring at him adoringly. "Except for family, and you are now my family, I don't think I have ever felt so unconditionally loved. You don't just live in my heart, you ARE my heart."

Sauli moved slowly, then faster, taking hold of Adam's erection and pumping until he saw his eyes glaze over and his back come off the bed. "Come, my love, let me see the proof of your love."

Adam came and Sauli did the same shortly after. When they lay there quietly, the sun starting to penetrate the curtains, Adam hung onto the small body beside him.

"You are so brave. I think things but can't always find the courage to say them without feeling like I'm being silly or corny. You said it all so beautifully. You said everything I feel in my heart. I don't know how or why I found you, or we found one another, but I love you so much, Sauli. None of those other boys tempt me because you are right, they don't KNOW me. They think they do, but they only know the part I share with the world. You know everything about me because I do stand in front of you with no apologies, just the essence of my soul. Thank you for guarding and cherishing it. That is what makes me able to go out and be the fierce motherfucker I want to be, knowing you're on the sidelines waiting for me. And I want to do the same for you, if you have things you want to do. 

I love you so much. Now, let's sleep so we can face the world again tomorrow, okay?"

"Should we shower?"

"No, I want to feel you inside of me a little longer."

"Then YOU can sleep in the wet spot!"

"Jerk!:


End file.
